remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
