those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
