Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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