Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
