he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
