You made me cry and you don't even care
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
