It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
