I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
