The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
