She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize