Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
