I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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