i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
