I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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