WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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