Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
