Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
