This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
