i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
