just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
