This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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