I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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