Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
