what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
