just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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