i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
