If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
