whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
