Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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