ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
