Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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