I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
