Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
