He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
