cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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