How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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