I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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