Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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