dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
