Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You work out of a Hotel?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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