help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
