As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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