break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
