Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
