Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
