Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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