Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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