Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
