he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
