The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All the doctor said was why
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
