The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
