i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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