i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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